I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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