Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
