Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
