Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
