ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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