Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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