Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
