No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
