Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think i got beer on your cat.
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