do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
