I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
