i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In other news, I just burned my penis
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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