look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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