Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Holy sore nipples Batman
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
