if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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