Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
