You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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