Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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