Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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