wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
