I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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