i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
