Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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