I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
