32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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