He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
