What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
