I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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