gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
