It's Friday. Sex?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
