she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
