I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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