There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
