:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
