she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
