Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
