I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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