so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
