return my video game
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
love makes seman taste better
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
