can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
