I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
