But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do vagina's smell?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
