Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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