I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just want nice things and good sex
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
