I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
