I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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