I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
