YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
