All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
