I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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