I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
